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宋飞传

宋飞传
  • 评价: 8.90
  • 出版年: 1990
  • 流派: Comedy
  • 国家: United States
  • 时长: 22 分钟
  • 复杂性: 10

宋飞传是一部美国喜剧,它讲述了一个单口相声演员宋飞和他朋友的故事。宋飞传的主题是“没什么”却经常被称作史上最棒的喜剧。它描述了世界的疯狂失常,而相声喜剧演员是唯一合理的声音。

  • Jerry and George stake out the lobby of an office building to find a woman Jerry met at a party but whose name and phone number he didn't get.
  • Jerry and George stake out the lobby of an office building to find a woman Jerry met at a party but whose name and phone number he didn't get.
  • After Jerry's apartment is robbed, Jerry starts to look for other apartments. But Jerry and George both want the same apartment, and Elaine wants the apartment of whomever loses out.
  • Jerry tries various excuses to avoid meeting with an old friend with whom he no longer shares any interests.
  • Jerry becomes apprehensive when he and George buy stock and the price falls while the person who suggested the stock is in a coma and can't tell them when to sell.
  • Jerry and George get their dentist in trouble while trying to get free massages. George feels uncomfortable getting a massage from a man. Kramer sees Joe DiMaggio in a donut shop.
  • A bad breakup between George and his girlfriend leads to tax troubles for Jerry.
  • Jerry is forced to care for the disobedient dog of a man he met on a plane.
  • The fate of people from Jerry's and George's past is revealed as Jerry is forced to account for an overdue book from 1971. Kramer falls for a librarian. Elaine fears trouble at work.
  • Jerry and Elaine travel to Florida for a dinner in honor of his father. Jerry gets into an argument with a neighbor of his parents over an “astronaut pen.”
  • The four get stuck in a parking garage for hours when they forget where they parked.
  • Jerry tries to help a new immigrant restaurant owner across the street from him. George, afraid of embarrassment, asks Elaine to take an IQ test for him.
  • George orders hair growing cream from China. Jerry is mesmerized by a dirty message left on a tape recorder from his last performance. George becomes infatuated with Elaine.
  • Jerry dates a vacuous actress and struggles with overcoming his sexual desire for her. George dates a woman with a large nose, who decides to get a nose job after a careless comment from Kramer.
  • Jerry's car is stolen. Elaine dates an older man. Kramer gets a small role in a Woody Allen movie filmed on his and Jerry's block. George must deal with the commotion of the movie filming as he gets a job parking cars on the block.
  • George gets a job at Elaine's office and gets involved with the cleaning woman. Elaine's boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic who falls off the wagon because of Jerry's carelessness. George buys Elaine a marked-down cashmere sweater.
  • After a suicide attempt by Jerry's neighbor lands him in a coma, Jerry begins a relationship with his girlfriend. George visits a psychic who predicts trouble on his upcoming trip. Elaine agonizes over having to fast before surgery.
  • Jerry, George, Kramer, and Elaine leave the comfort of Jerry's building and take to the New York subway. But comedy abruptly ensues as our characters embark on their individual adventures.
  • In this episode, Kramer joins the Polar Bears and Jerry obsesses over a hard to load Pez Dispenser. While George struggles to get “hand” from his pianist girlfriend whose concert is ruined due to Elaine's, “Pez induced laughter.”
  • In the first hour-long episode, Jerry hooks up with Keith Hernandez at the gym. He tries to meet with Keith only to be shunned because Keith is infatuated with Elaine. George tries to keep his unemployment money coming in when he tells the unemployment officer that he got a job with “Vandelay Industries”, a company that manufactures latex. Kramer and Newman recall an incident in which Keith spit on them after a really bad Mets game. The details of the incident strangely mirror that of the JFK assassination.
  • Jerry and Elaine fix George up with a friend of hers.
  • George meets Jerry at the airport as scheduled but his car broke down on the way there and now don't have a way to get back. When Jerry notices a limo driver waiting for someone named O'Brien, he knows the passenger will never show up since he was supposed to be on Jerry's flight but refused boarding. George has a solution to their problem - just tell the driver he's O'Brien and they'll get a free ride into Manhattan. When the driver tells them he's taking them to Madison Square Garden, they assume they're going to see a Knicks-Bulls game. They're joined by an …
  • Jerry trails a hit-and-run driver but is attracted to her and begins dating her; he later learns her victim was a longtime quarry and dates the latter as well. Kramer begins having seizures whenever he hears Mary Hart's voice.
  • Jerry learns that his new artist friend, from whom George has been forced to buy a painting, plagiarized a letter to keep him from breaking up with her. Elaine refuses to remove her Baltimore Orioles cap during a New York Yankees game.
  • Coming from an outing to a flea market in New Jersey, Elaine and George damage Jerry's car when George drives over a large pothole. When they get to his apartment they conveniently find a parking space right in front of Jerry's building. As George tries to back in however, someone tries to take the spot by driving in nose first. With neither car able to park, it leads to an all day argument. Elaine meanwhile has to come with a story about the damage to the car.
  • Jerry is fed up with Kramer coming into his apartment any time he feels like it and asks him to return his spare set of keys. Kramer begrudgingly complies but then lets it be known that he's leaving for California. As for the others, the one key swap leads to multiple exchanges on pretty well everyone's part. When Jerry forgets his keys, he gets George to let him into Elaine's apartment so her can get his spare set. What they find interests them.
  • When Jerry is asked to appear on The Tonight Show in Los Angeles, George accompanies him to look for Kramer.
  • Kramer is arrested when he is mistaken for a serial killer. After he is exonerated, Jerry, George, and he return to New York.
  • NBC executives ask Jerry to come up with an idea for a TV series. George decides he can be a sitcom writer and comes up with “nothing.” Kramer trades a radar detector for a helmet, and later Newman receives a speeding ticket.
  • Jerry is asked to explain to his parents why he does not wear the watch they gave him. Morty Seinfeld thinks his wallet to have been stolen from him at his doctor's appointment.
  • Jerry tries to buy his watch back from Uncle Leo, who found it in the garbage, having been thrown there by Jerry. George tries to resurrect the fledgling NBC deal, while Elaine plans a break up from her psychotherapist with Kramer's help.
  • George and Susan invite Jerry, his girlfriend Naomi, Elaine and Kramer to spend the weekend at her parents' cabin upstate. Naomi bows out after Jerry makes a comment on her laugh and Kramer isn't interested. After Elaine goads him into it, Jerry agrees to stop off on the way and visit a fan who lives in a plastic bubble enclosed room due to an autoimmune disease. They go in separate cars and George drives so fast that Jerry and Elaine lose them and not having the boy's address end up in a diner. Kramer and Naomi meanwhile decide to go to the cabin with unfortunate …
  • Jerry offends Elaine's assistant. Kramer makes a contact for Cuban cigars. A box of letters from John Cheever is all that remains after Susan's father's cabin burns down.
  • Elaine unknowingly is dating Crazy Joe Davola, who has just left a threatening message on Jerry's recorder.
  • Not having come up for a script for their new sitcom, George and Jerry now have to face the music when they meet with NBC executives. George's lack of discretion however has repercussions. Jerry see Marla Penny in a bar and mentions to George that when he last saw her, she was a virgin. Jerry asks her out and finds out she still is. Elaine, on hearing the news, decides to give her a bit of coaching about men and what she can expect.
  • After George's mother catches him alone in a somewhat embarrassing situation, Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer stage a contest to see who can last the longest without any sexual gratification. Temptation quickly sets in for everyone. Kramer is the first to fall after ogling the woman across the street who walks around her apartment naked. George is next after he visits his mother in hospital and her roommate gets a sponge bath across from the curtain separating them. Elaine signs up for a fitness class where none other than JFK Jr. is enrolled. Her fantasizing does …
  • Jerry and Elaine are on their way back to New York but learn their original flight has been canceled. As a result, Jerry ends up in first class and Elaine in coach. While Jerry has a wonderful flight with food, champagne and a beautiful blond models as a seat mate, Elaine suffers through the flight from hell. Back in New York, George and Kramer are supposed to meet Jerry and Elaine but the change in flight - and then a change in airport - has them running all over the place. More mayhem ensues when Kramer thinks he recognizes someone from his past.
  • George has decided he's made a terrible mistake in breaking up with Susan. He moans and groans and is generally driving everybody crazy. Against everyone's advice he decides to tell her he made a mistake . No sooner are they back together than he decides he's the one who made the mistake. Elaine decides to put her picture on her Christmas cards and Kramer agrees to be the photographer. Only problem is that she exposes just a little too much of herself. Jerry meanwhile is dating the model he recently met on a flight and things seem to be going nicely….until she sees …
  • Jerry does a set at a comedy club, then goes to meet George, Elaine, and Kramer afterward to see a screening of Checkmate. However, a simple miscommunication causes the four to keep missing each other at two different theaters.
  • Jerry returns from a two week tour to find that his old friend Babu, who Jerry drove into bankruptcy by suggesting he change the menu in his restaurant, is working at the café. He's also living down the hall from Jerry who is shocked to find that Babu is arrested for overstaying his visa. Turns out his visa application got mixed in with Jerry's mail. George meanwhile asks an attractive lawyer, Cheryl, to go out with him. She laughs at everything he says and he tells Jerry to butt out and not be funny. When they hear that Cheryl does immigration law, they ask her to …
  • Elaine cant seem to figure out why her shoes are a subject of conversation. Jerry and George pitch their pilot to NBC, but the deal is nearly jinxed when George takes a peak at the cleavage of the NBC president's daughter.
  • A woman is eavesdropping on the conversation that Elaine has with Jerry and George at the coffee shop. Elaine decides to give the woman the impression that Jerry and George are a homosexual couple. Unfortunately that woman is a reporter from NYU who is doing an interview with Jerry for the school newspaper. She goes to Jerry's apartment and the suspicions are confirmed when Jerry and George get in a fight over a piece of fruit. She publishes an article using the angle that Jerry and George are a homosexual couple. Things get even worse when Jerry's birthday gifts …
  • Elaine gets the gang to volunteer at an old folks' home. She gets freaked out by hers, George gets fired by his guy, and Jerry loses his. Kramer and Newman scheme to sell records to a vintage music store and steal the records from Jerry's old guy.
  • Jerry insists that his new girlfriend has implants. But she keeps insisting that they're “real and spectacular”. The mystery goes even deeper when Elaine meets her in the sauna and trips and lands on her breasts.
  • Elaine's ex-boyfriend is recovering in the hospital and has surgery. The gang goes to visit. Kramer gets the idea to paint his apartment to simulate the feel of a ski lodge. While at the hospital, Kramer's concern about the operation gets him and Jerry in to watch. But when Kramer sneaks in candy and forces it on Jerry, Jerry starts a chain reaction that causes the Junior Mints to land in Elaine's ex-boyfriend. Jerry thinks he may have killed the guy while George, who learns that he has recently come into some money, decides to invest in the ex-boyfriend's artwork.
  • After dinner, Jerry gets his car back from the valet. He and Elaine get in the car and realize that the valet has really bad B.O.. Jerry goes to great lengths to get the smell out of his car while Elaine goes to great lengths to get the smell out of her hair. Jerry soon realizes that the smell isn't just a mere odor, but an entity unto itself, and finally decides that he has to get rid of his car. Meanwhile, George gets reacquainted with Susan and discovers that he drove her to lesbianism, and Kramer dates Susan's girlfriend.
  • At Kramer's insistence, George parks his Dad's car in a handicap spot. After a woman is injured because of it, George becomes his Dad's butler while Kramer tries to help the woman.
  • In the fourth season finale, Jerry and George's pilot is finally a go. But before the taping, Elaine desperately tries to avoid NBC president Russell Dalrymple after an awkward date, while Kramer comes face to face with his TV show counterpart. Before the pilot airs, Crazy Joe Davola (see episode “The Opera”) shows up to put a damper in the gang's plans. As the pilot is finally finished and ready for airtime, the executives at NBC aren't impressed with the result.
  • Jerry gets a shocking revelation when Elaine reveals that she faked every orgasm while they were dating. Jerry then pleads with Elaine to get a second chance in bed. Meanwhile, Kramer turns George onto the erotic pleasures of fruit, specifically the mango.
  • Kramer and his soft-spoken friend Leslie start a new line of clothing and Jerry accidentally agrees to wear it on the Today show.
  • George loses his glasses at the health club, but his plans to get a new pair using Kramer's “discount” backfires. Meanwhile, Jerry buys a black-market air conditioner - the Commando 8, and Elaine gets bit by a dog at the optometrist's office.
  • Jerry, Kramer and Newman have reason to suspect that their accountant, Barry Profit, is taking their money and using it to buy illegal narcotics. The three organize a stakeout to confirm their suspicions, while Elaine, who had a past relationship with Barry, denies it. George gets an interview at a company that manufactures women's underwear.
  • Jerry and Elaine get asked to be the godparents for their friend's newborn baby. But unfortunately the position doesn't last very long when Elaine hires a drunken rabbi to perform the Bris. While at the hospital, Kramer thinks he found a pig-man while a mental patient jumps to his death and lands on George's car.
  • George decides to use Jerry's girlfriend to spy on his friends by having her read their lips. Kramer claims he can also read lips and tries to prove it.
  • Kramer invests in a new new non-fat yogurt store, which becomes a hit in the city. Jerry and Elaine discover that they've been gaining weight and wonder if the yogurt really is non fat or not. Jerry tries to unravel this mystery while also dealing with a neighbor's kid who saw his act and the one rare instance where Jerry unleashes profanities on stage. Meanwhile, George runs into a former childhood acquaintance, Lloyd Braun, who is working on the mayoral campaign for incumbent Mayor Dinkins, but the campaign is quickly jeopardized when Elaine proposes a name tag …
  • Jerry regrets giving his longtime barber the heave-ho after he gets a ridiculous-looking haircut. George gets a job interview but the boss leaves him with a very cryptic ending. Kramer begs Elaine to let him take part in her charity bachelor auction.
  • Jerry gets mad when he dates a masseuse. Kramer and George get massages while Jerry doesn't. Meanwhile, Elaine's new boyfriend is Joel Rifkin, an innocent man who shares the same name as one of New York's most notorious serial killers.
  • Jerry is deemed a racist when he purchases a Native American statue for Elaine. Kramer tries to get Elaine's company to publish his coffee table book. Elaine runs into a really creepy man on the subway who steals Frank's TV Guide and follows her to the Costanza's house. Meanwhile, George gets grounded when he has sex with a woman in his parents' bed.
  • George decides to convert to Latvian Orthodox to impress a girl, against his angry parent's objections. Meanwhile, Kramer converts a nun at the church, and Jerry takes a peek in his girlfriend's medicine cabinet and is stunned by what he finds.
  • At a movie theater's restroom, Elaine, realizing she doesn't have any toilet paper left, asks the woman in the next stall (Jami Gertz) if she has any toilet paper to spare, but the woman refuses, claiming that she “can't spare a square”. Elaine pleads with the woman, but she leaves, ignoring Elaine. The woman returns to her seat, and is revealed as Jerry's girlfriend, Jane. Elaine is shown returning to her seat, with her new boyfriend Tony (played by Dan Cortese). The two women tell their dates about what had just happened. At Jerry's apartment, Kramer walks in, …
  • En route to a dinner party, Jerry and Elaine stop off at a bakery and get held up when the bakery runs out of what they want to purchase. Meanwhile, George and Kramer, en route to said dinner party, stop off at a liquor store to buy a bottle of wine and have a hard time picking one out.
  • George starts dating a woman who (told by Jerry) thinks George is a marine biologist. Elaine's electronic organizer injures a person after being launched from a limo by a Russian novelist. Kramer decides to golf on the beach.
  • While shopping for a new suit for a job interview, George and the others stumble upon a mannequin which scarily resembles Elaine. Meanwhile Jerry tries to figure out why his girlfriend won't try his apple pie at Monks.
  • Kramer gets a job with Micky as a TV stand-in. Jerry sets Elaine up with a guy who he says would be perfect for her. At the end of their first date he takes “it” out.
  • Jerry gets a permanent discount at his local dry cleaners after returning a locket he found in a jacket pocket. His new girlfriend Meryl also claims the discount claiming to be Jerry's wife. It all gets out of hand when Jerry's Uncle Leo hears he's married. Elaine thinks an airline pilot who goes to the same health club but her interest wanes quickly when he wipes the top of her water bottle before drinking from it. George is in trouble when the pilot sees him urinating in the shower at the same club. Kramer has had trouble sleeping at home but not, unfortunately at …
  • In this two-part episode, Jerry's parents are visiting before leaving for France. Jerry has a hard time connecting with his new girlfriend Rachel because his parents are spending so much time in his apartment. George uses the trip to get out of volunteering for the Big Brother program, but is stunned to learn that his Little Brother is searching for his dad in France. Kramer and Morty team up to sell Morty's old belt-less trench coat “The Executive” to a vintage clothing store.
  • Jerry and his girlfriend get some time alone with each other at a movie, Schindler's List, they don't see it; however, Newman sees it and them. A delay in the shipment of the raincoats will make the Seinfelds miss their flight to France, George uses this as an opportunity to get his “little” brother back to his father. The Seinfelds manage to avoid meeting the Costanzas in New York City.
  • Elaine, Jerry, George and Kramer visit friends in the Hamptons who've just had a baby. They're there for the weekend and George's new girlfriend Jane is there with him, even though they've never slept together. Jerry ‘s old girlfriend Rachel is there as well but trouble erupts when Rachel sees George naked and then giggles. Elaine takes an interest in the baby’s pediatrician but isn't sure the compliment he paid her is necessarily a compliment.
  • A simple pick up line in the coffee shop proves Jerry's theory that every instinct George has is wrong. George decides to try the opposite, and that lands him an attractive girlfriend, a job offer with the New York Yankees, and an apartment that allows him to finally move out of his parent's house. Simultaneously, Elaine's mistake of stopping off for candy after learning her boyfriend was hospitalized causes her fortune to take a downturn.
  • Jerry connects with a Miss America pageant contestant, Miss Rhode Island, at a Yankees game and asks her out on a date. They have to have a chaperone however and and Kramer volunteers. It turns out Kramer knows a lot about how to win a beauty pageant and is soon Miss Rhode Island's personal trainer. After being turned down for a job at a major book publisher, Elaine is hired by Justin Pitt as his personal assistant. Her first task is to go out and buy him new socks. George meanwhile is surprised to learn that the Yankees uniforms are made of polyester and switches …
  • Kramer thinks that a simple penalty stroke may have driven his golf partner, Steve Gennison, to murder a dry cleaner. Jerry is stunned to learn that his girlfriend not only went out with, but was dumped by Newman. George thinks Elaine gave his girlfriend an incorrect thank you when it was actually George who paid for Elaine's lunch. Elaine flirts with a stationary store employee and thinks that she may have sent him the wrong message.
  • Kramer finds Jerry's old birthday checks from his grandmother and insists he deposits them, which puts Nana in unexpected debt. Elaine accidentally tells the high talker a secret. Mr Pitt eats a Snickers bar with utensils.
  • George's telephone line crosses with that of a woman named Donna Chang, and everyone seeks her advice when she convinces them that she's Chinese. Jerry winds up dating her. George drives his girlfriend to a mental institution, and things get worse when Frank and Estelle announce a separation. Kramer can't seem to figure out why Frank Costanza is having mysterious business dealings with a man in a cape.
  • Elaine dates a moving guy, and things are going well for her until Jerry wants to know what his opinion on abortion is. Poppy returns and he and Kramer are going into business together to create a restaurant where you make your own pizza. Meanwhile, George goes out of his way to cheat on a book club test by renting “Breakfast At Tiffany's” instead of reading the book.
  • George's girlfriend's mom thinks he is a bum when she catches George eating an éclair out of the trash can, among various other coincidences. Jerry dates a woman who is a former Olympic gymnast and ventures into the territory of sexual pleasures that most men dare not dream of. Elaine tries to pry Mr. Pitt away from looking at Kramer's new 3-D art poster. Meanwhile, Kramer gets a kidney stone.
  • Kramer convinces Jerry to get a free Armani suit from hack comic Kenny Bania. But when Bania decides that he doesn't want anything except for dinner, Jerry has a hard time accepting the suit knowing that there is a far greater catch involved. Things get even worse when, during the dinner, Bania insists that soup doesn't count as a meal. Meanwhile, Elaine has a British friend stay with her for a week.
  • George buys a convertible he thinks was once owned by Jon Voight. Kramer tries to save a small shoe-repair business. Elaine answers a radio quiz, enabling Mr. Pitt to participate in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Meanwhile, Jerry tries to solve the mystery of whether or not he's invited to Tim Whatley's annual Pre-Thanksgiving party.
  • George gets a Secretary, saying he will go for efficiency and smarts rather than beauty. He hires a woman who is ‘a computer geek’, only to find himself falling in love with her.
  • When George notices that Elaine's new boyfriend reads the Daily Worker, he asks if he's a Communist. He says he is, which Elaine seems to wear as a badge of honor. Thanks to his friend Mickey, Kramer gets a job as a department store Santa. Things start out okay but veer off after he reads some literature from Elaine's boyfriend. George answers a personal ad in the Daily Worker and soon everyone in the Yankees front office thinks he's a Communist. Jerry meanwhile learns that his new girlfriend's boss is an old high school rival he once beat at a track meet and has …
  • Elaine loans Mr. Pitt's expensive tennis racket racket to an executive from Doubleday who hints there may be a job opening for Elaine soon. When the woman injures her arm, Elaine can't quite get the racket back. Jerry's girlfriend never smiles or laughs at his jokes but her roommate laughs at everything he says so he contemplates the switch. George comes up with an idea as to how he might get away with it. George's girlfriend, a model, eats like a horse but never puts on weight. Kramer suggests she might be bulimic. The gang learns Kramer's first name, thanks to his …
  • Jerry gets Super Bowl tickets but cant use them because of obligations to attend a friend's wedding. He gives them to Tim Whatley and gets a label maker in return. Elaine is convinced that the label maker is the exact same one that she gave him a week before. Jerry then accuses Whatley of “re-gifting” the label maker. George, learns that his girlfriend has a male roommate and gets weirded out by the concept, but loves the male roommate's possessions which include a velvet couch. The couple learns that the wedding is on the same day as the Super Bowl and then calls the…
  • Kramer is walking down a street and sees a man littering. He calls the guy a “pig” but doing so offends a cop who is standing a few feet away. Of course, the cop isn't paying attention and the scofflaw gets away. Kramer decides that he needs a new look and goes with an eye patch. George runs into Gary Fogel, a man who was having cancer and decided not to tell him. But he did tell Jerry, who reveals that he made himself nearly sick being nice to the guy. The next day, George meets with Gary, who drops a bombshell that he never actually had cancer and that the operation…
  • For the series' 100th episode, Jerry Seinfeld hosts a one hour retrospective with clips from previous episodes: the idea for a show about nothing; the smelly car; the puffy shirt; the astronaut pen; Jerry's hair; George's lack of hair; Mulva; Jerry's virgin girlfriend; the Hernandez incident; the outing; the masters of their domain; the bubble boy - are only a few of the episodes included.
  • Elaine attempts to convert a gay man to heterosexuality. Kramer sets George up with a woman, but forgets what she looks like. When they consult a police sketch artist, Jerry hooks up with a female officer, who then has Jerry take a polygraph test on whether or not he's seen the show “Melrose Place”.
  • Kramer tries to create a Utopian society when he puts up pictures of all the residents of his and Jerry's building. Jerry doesn't mind until the women of the building want to be greeted with a kiss. After Jerry objects to kissing hello, he's vilified and nearly kicked out of the building. Jerry also has to settle some family issues when Nana remembers that Uncle Leo was supposed to give Morty some money 50 years ago and Uncle Leo puts Nana in a home to keep her quiet. Meanwhile, Elaine's friend who is a chiropractor skips out on George's appointment and goes skiing …
  • Elaine house-sits for Mr. Pitt. Jerry goes to meet up with her to go to the movies and winds up offending the Doorman. So to make up for it, Jerry watches the door. But when Jerry leaves his post and the couch in the lobby is stolen, Jerry and Elaine formulate a plan to cover their tracks. Meanwhile, Kramer invents a bra for men and George tries to find a way to get his father out of his apartment.
  • The gang has various encounters with a man named Jimmy, who talks about himself in the 3rd person. Elaine asks Jimmy to go to the benefit for the Able Mentally Challenged Adults organization starring Mel Torme. Thanks to Jimmy's shoes and getting too much Novocaine at Whatley's office, Kramer is mistaken for a mentally challenged man when he encounters the head of the AMCA. Jerry suspects Tim Whatley and his assistant are using patients for sexual pleasures when he finds pornographic magazines in Whatley's waiting room and thinks that he was violated while under the …
  • George dates a girl from Elaine's art class and wonders whether or not her humorous caricature of him is a sign that she likes him or not. Thanks to Newman's fleas, Jerry's visiting parents are forced to stay in Elaine's luxury hotel room. Elaine gets a potential job offer but accidentally leaves the manuscript in Jerry's flea-infested apartment.
  • Kramer gets new license plates, but a DMV screw-up gives him a new vanity license plate - “ASS MAN”. George's mom gets plastic surgery. Kramer makes pasta sculptures of his friends, and makes one out of Jerry using Fusilli pasta. Jerry tells Puddy about his “move”, which he proceeds to use on Elaine. He also tells George, but George screws it up, and his girlfriend gets freaked out when he uses crib notes. Kramer finally tracks down the Ass Man when Frank falls on the Fusilli Jerry and they have to take him to a proctologist.
  • Jerry's new agent thinks he's a celebrity who needs his hand held on every little decision. After she tells him that the pilot who flew the plane to Ithaca is in the audience, Jerry freaks out. Kramer goes to the Diplomat's Club to meet up with Jerry and winds up gambling with a Texas business man on which plane is going to arrive first. Meanwhile, Mr. Pitt puts Elaine in his will, and Mr. Pitt's lawyer has reason to suspect that Elaine is up to something.
  • Jerry scores premium tickets to a New Jersey Devils playoff game. He invites Kramer, Puddy, and Elaine along. But Jerry gets weirded out when Puddy shows up at the game and paints his face to match the team colors. Puddy gets so worked up after the game that he freaks out a visiting pastor from El Salvador, who is convinced that Puddy really is the devil. Elaine tries to convince him otherwise. Kramer enjoyed the game so much that he tries to convince Jerry to get more tickets from the guy Jerry got them from. Meanwhile, George decides to tell his girlfriend that he …
  • Jerry dates the ultra-sensitive understudy for Bette Midler in Rochelle, Rochelle: The Musical. When the Improv is scheduled to play Rochelle Rochelle in a softball game, George plows into catcher Bette Midler to score the winning run. Bette is injured because of the incident and is unable to perform in the Broadway premiere. Jerry, George, and the understudy are vilified for the incident, and Kramer goes out of his way to help Bette. Meanwhile, Elaine suspects that a local nail shop is making fun of her in Korean. She learns that George's dad Frank speaks Korean and …
  • While sitting in the coffee shop, Jerry and George resolve to grow up and take life more seriously. Jerry decides to call the woman he recently broke up with - because she shushed him. For his part, George has been thinking a lot about his former girlfriend Susan. After imagining the ideal life they could have together, he goes to her apartment and proposes. She accepts and George almost immediately begins to have second thoughts, especially after Jerry breaks up with his girlfriend a second time. Elaine meanwhile is having trouble with a neighbor's barking dog and …
  • Feeling overwhelmed, George wants to postpone marrying Susan.
  • Elaine dates the conductor of an orchestra who insists everyone calls him “Maestro.”
  • Jerry squirts grapefruit into George's eye at breakfast, and for the rest of the day George is misinterpreted because everyone thinks he is winking at them.
  • Wilhelm thinks George is cracking under the pressure of working in the big leagues. So he has George entertain a group of visiting baseball officials from the Houston Astros, who are in New York to discuss inter-league play. George picks up a bad habit from them, who call everyone either a “bastard” or a “son of a bitch”. Kramer buys a hot tub from his friend Lomez and installs it in his apartment. At the same time, Elaine is having a marathon runner from Trinidad And Tobago named Jean Paul Jean Paul stay with her as a house guest. Jean Paul was in the Olympics and …
  • A soup stand owner obsesses about his customers' ordering procedure, but his soup is so good that people line up down the block for it anyway.
  • George refuses to give anyone his secret code (BOSCO). Kramer buys a police scanner. Jerry does a series of ads for Leapin' Larry's Appliance Store. Elaine has dinner with J. Peterman but after she and Jerry bail on the dinner, George is stuck to dine with Peterman. George spills his secret code to Peterman's dying mother and gets in trouble for it.
  • Jerry has a hard time telling the pool guy at his new health club that there isn't room for a 5th member of the group. George's worlds collide when Elaine starts hanging out with Susan. Kramer discovers that his phone number is one digit off from that of a popular movie-finding service and offers help to those that mistakenly call his number.
  • After learning that her prophylactic of choice is being discontinued, Elaine buys a case of Today sponges and scrutinizes her dates for their sponge-worthiness.
  • Lloyd Braun comes back from the insane asylum. Kramer takes him under his wing and convinces Jerry to buy gum from him and wear glasses that don't belong to him to prove that Lloyd isn't crazy. George tries to prove to his old neighbor Deena that he isn't crazy after a cashier short changes him.
  • After George's parents take back the bread they gifted to Susan's parents, George makes Jerry find another loaf and tries to appease Susan's parents by taking them on Kramer's Manhattan horse tours, to disastrous consequences.
  • Elaine's floozy former ex-roommate Sue Ellen Mischkie returns. George locks his keys in his car and leaves it in the Yankees parking lot. Elaine, out of spite, buys Sue Ellen a bra for a birthday gift as she has never worn one. George, having successfully convinced Wilhelm and Steinbrenner that he's putting in extra hours, decides to skip town with Susan after learning that her father rebuilt the cabin. So George asks Kramer and Jerry to go to Yankee Stadium and take the fliers off of his car. The car is really dirty, and Jerry and Kramer decide to go take it to the …
  • George meets Susan's cousins. The wife is expecting a baby and they are having a hard time agreeing on the name. George reveals that he wants to name his kid Seven after Mickey Mantle. The cousins like the idea of naming their kid Seven, but nobody else does. Elaine buys an antique bicycle and hurts her neck in the process. Kramer fixes her neck and wants the bicycle in exchange for payment. Jerry's new girlfriend wears the same dress every single day.
  • In this hour-long episode, Jerry performs the biggest show of his life in Atlantic City. He receives a rather generous pay check for the event, and decides to buy his father a Cadillac. Unfortunately, doing so puts Morty in the hot seat with the condo board of directors, where he serves as president. Morty is accused of stealing money from the board, and ultimately gets removed from his post as president and kicked out of the condo. Meanwhile, thanks to Elaine, George can score a date with “My Cousin Vinnie” star Marisa Tomei but Elaine objects because of George's …
  • Peterman wants Elaine to go to Africa, but when Elaine tests positive for Opium in her physical, that means no dice. George tries to convince his parents to move to Florida so that he finally gets his “buffer zone”, but they have problems with Jerry's parents. Kramer and Newman scheme to buy black market shower heads when the building switches to low-flow ones.
  • George freaks out when he discovers that Susan has a doll that looks exactly like his mother. Jerry decides to use that as a bit on the Charles Grodin show when his prop gets destroyed in his carry-on luggage, but fellow comedian Sally Weaver screws up his bit by bringing him the wrong doll.
  • Jerry has a hard time getting membership in the Friar's Club when the Flying Santos Brothers take his jacket during a show. Meanwhile, Elaine suspects that a new co-worker (Rob Schnieder) is faking a hearing disorder to get out of doing work.
  • Susan's friends are in town for the Broadway production of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Kramer gets to wear the coat and is mistaken for a pimp in public when he accuses a local parking lot of running a prostitution ring out of his car. Jerry buys a jacket and later returns it for spite. Elaine tries to buy a dress from the same guy Jerry gets the jacket from, but is stunned to learn that he's holding it until Elaine sleeps with him.
  • George gets Steinbrenner hooked on eggplant calzones from a local Italian restaurant. But George gets banned from the restaurant when he's accused of stealing from the tip jar. He then asks Kramer to pick up the calzones, but Kramer gets kicked out when he tries to pay with pennies. George's last resort in getting the calzones is Newman who wants a cut of every delivery. Meanwhile, Kramer will only wear clothing if it's straight from the dryer.
  • In this two-part episode, Kramer and Newman scheme to make money on recycling by taking a mail truck to Michigan full of bottles and cans. But their road trip takes a turn for the worst (literally) when Jerry's car is stolen by a psychotic auto mechanic and they track Jerry's car out in the Midwest. Elaine outbids Sue Ellen Mischkie by double her budget for JFK's golf clubs and leaves them in Jerry's car. George gets a project from his boss Wilhelm but doesn't hear the other end of what he's supposed to do. Steinbrenner sees the results of George's project and has him…
  • George makes a comment that breaks up a married couple. Because of this comment, he tries to find a way out of his pending marriage to Susan by any means necessary. Jerry and Elaine swoop in to pick up the pieces of said relationship. Kramer wears an unusually tight pair of jeans and cant take them off.
  • It's finally time for George and Susan's wedding. George doesn't think he can go through with the wedding. But when Susan puts George in charge of the wedding invitations, George gets the cheapest ones in the lot, knowing that the glue for the envelopes is cheap. Unfortunately for Susan, the glue is also toxic and licking the envelopes has fatal consequences. Meanwhile, Jerry courts a woman just like him named Janeanne Steinberg and holds up his end of George's “pact” (see episode “The Engagement”).
  • After Susan dies, George decides to live the high life by going the bachelor pad route. But his fun quickly ends when Jerry quotes Star Trek II and the Ross's decide to create a foundation in Susan's memory. Jerry gets reacquainted with Mulva (see episode “The Junior Mint”) and decides to do some research into which recent break-up story was more believable - his or George's. Elaine gets in trouble when J. Peterman flees to Burma and puts her in charge of the catalog. She doesn't think she is up to the task of running a large business until Kramer motivates her with …
  • George is convinced that the chairman of the Susan Biddle Foundation thinks he killed Susan. He tries to record their conversation when he's not there but doesn't quite get it right. Elaine meets some old friends all of whom now have babies. She of course does not want children and that leads her to a like-minded new boyfriend, Kevin. Jerry's new girlfriend Pam drops in on Jerry but it's Kramer who is smitten. The more Kramer says he likes her however, the more Jerry does as well.
  • Elaine meets Kevin's friends and feels likes she's entered the world of Bizarro Jerry where her world is in reverse. Jerry has a date with Gillian, a woman with man hands. George hits on a new sob story to try and get in with a beautiful receptionist. Kramer gets an unpaid job at a upscale firm.
  • Kramer's friend Brody forces Jerry to bootleg the movie “Death Blow”. George follows Elaine to her office party and finds out that she has a “unique” dancing style. She starts to get a weird vibe from her subordinates and blames it all on George. George becomes the bad boy and wins the affection of Elaine's employee Anna. Jerry finds out that he is a gifted bootlegger and demands perfection while shooting “Cry, Cry, again”. Kramer tells Elaine she can't dance. She then videotapes herself dancing over the bootleg of “Cry, Cry, Again”. Elaine apologizes over the phone …
  • Kramer tries to get a “refund” for Jerry's broken stereo. Jerry is against the idea until he gets a mysterious package in the mail. Newman accuses Jerry of mail fraud when Uncle Leo signs for the package and an explosion is heard while he is talking to Jerry. George, meanwhile, gets involved with “Photo Store Shelia” when she accidentally slips an enticing photo in George's pictures. George decides to send one back, but the plan backfires. And Elaine gets a rash and is barred from every doctor in New York when she takes a peek at her medical chart.
  • Kramer volunteers to set up a Jewish singles mixer. He has a hard time finding a cook for the event until he learns that Frank was a cook in the Korean War. But Frank refuses to cook for the event because he experienced a severe case of shell shock. Meanwhile, Elaine tries to get rid of an unruly employee in Peterman's mailing room but winds up promoting the guy instead. Jerry dates a woman with a mentor, but he gets weirded out when he finds out that the mentor is dating hack comic Kenny Bania. Jerry, inspired by this, decides to take Bania under his wing and mentor …
  • Jerry gets hundreds of royalty checks, worth 12 cents each, for appearing on a Japanese TV program and gets writer's cramp. George and Jerry pitch their pilot to Japanese TV executives.
  • Kenny Rogers' Roasters sets up shop across the street from Jerry and Kramer's apartment. Unfortunately, their unusually large chicken sign causes problems for everybody. Kramer and Jerry wind up switching apartments because of it - and personalities. Jerry is freaked out by a wooden doll in Kramer's apartment and Newman gets Kramer hooked on Kenny Roger's chicken. Elaine gets comfortable in her position as president of the catalog but is quickly accused of abusing her company credit card benefits. Especially when Elaine buys George an expensive hat and George …
  • Abstinence allows George to become a genius, but it turns Elaine into an idiot. Jerry gets bumped from career day at his old Jr. High School. Kramer turns his apartment into a smoking lounge and all the smoke disfigures his face.
  • A survivor of a shipwreck beats George out of an apartment, so George decides to tell the landlords the tragedies of his life in hopes of getting it back based on pity.
  • Kramer gets a pet rooster that he names after Jerry. Jerry bounces a check at the local liquor store but has difficulty paying it off. So much in fact, that his parents think that Jerry is strapped for cash. Marcelino, the owner of the liquor store, tells Jerry that there is money to be made in underground cockfighting rings. When Little Jerry wins his first fight, Marcelino wants to buy the bird, but Jerry and Kramer refuse to sell. Meanwhile, as part of his duties with the Foundation, George goes to a women's prison where they have just donated a generous sum of …
  • Jerry buys his parents a Cadillac. His parents sell it to Jack Clompus for 6000 dollars and try and give the money to Jerry. Elaine has stock options at Peterman's and buys George coffee. George feels that she is “sticking” it to him. George tries to convince his parents to stay in Queens because he wants their money. They then decide to buy expensive things and move to Florida. Kramer's girlfriend has the “jimmy legs” and they sleep in the Costanza's apartment when they go to Florida. Jerry buys back the Cadillac from Clompus for 14000 dollars. Clompus crashes it …
  • George gets insulted by a co-worker named Reilly during a business meeting with the line “Hey George, the ocean called and they're running out of shrimp”. He plans to get back at him with the “jerk store” remark, which all his friends try to change. Jerry buys a new tennis racket from Milos, a tennis pro-shop worker, because he thinks he is a great tennis player. Jerry finds out that Milos is a terrible tennis player and Milos offers Jerry his wife, Patty as some sort of “medieval sexual payola”. Patty loses respect for Milos and begs Jerry to let him win a game of …
  • Kramer gets mixed up with a gang when he is mugged by them and mistakenly shows their secret sign.
  • A co-worker of Elaine's thinks Elaine is called Susie, and Elaine doesn't bother to correct her, when she badmouths Elaine to “Susie.” Elaine complains of this to Jerry, who commiserates with her. Later, Peggy gets “Susie” called in front of Peterman, who demands that Elaine be there also. Elaine finds a way to wriggle out of the situation so that neither realizes Susie doesn't exist. Meanwhile, Kramer puts 100 dollars on a basketball game in Jerry's name with Mike, the guy Jerry called a phony in “The Parking Space.” When Kramer attends the game, he gets in a fight …
  • Jerry accidentally knocks his girlfriends toothbrush into her toilet. He refuses to tell her and won't kiss her. Kramer adopts a section of highway and tries to improve it. Elaine tries to get chinese food delivered by using a janitors closet in a different building. George drops his Phil Rizutto key chain in a pothole, which gets filled and he tries to dig it out.
  • Elaine is dragged to see the movie “The English Patient” on multiple occasions, even though she absolutely hates the film.
  • George needs to find a way to have a nap at work. His glass wall doesn't seem to make that possible but he finds a way anyways. He runs into a bit of trouble when Mr. Steinbrenner wants to see him and decides to wait in George's office. Elaine has a problem with her new boyfriend Hal who has a new mattress delivered to house. Kramer has taken up swimming but finds the pool crowded. He finds a new place that gives him lots of room - the East River. Jerry is losing his patience with the man he's hired to install new kitchen cabinets.
  • George's new girlfriend often fills in her stories with the expression yada-yada leaving out much of the detail. Jerry tells him she's being concise but not knowing what's going starts to drive George crazy. Jerry meanwhile is convinced that his dentist, Tim Whatley, has converted to Judaism to he can tell Jewish jokes. When he continues to tell Catholic jokes, he even complains to Whatley's former priest. It all leads Kramer to accuse him of being an anti-Dentite. Elaine is asked by friends to be a character reference with a adoption agency but she doesn't exactly …
  • Kramer and Newman compete during the early planning of each of their millenium parties.
  • Elaine opens a new bakery that sells only the tops of the muffins.
  • With three months severance pay from the Yankees, George decides that he's going to have a great summer. Things don't quite go as planned. Jerry meanwhile is dating someone new, Lanette, who he invites to attend the Tony awards with him. When he picks her up however, she seems to already have a live-in boyfriend. Kramer is also at the awards ceremony and gets dragged on stage with some of the winners. He basks in the glow of having ‘won’ a Tony and the producers decide to use him to get rid of their star, <a href=“/name/nm0000079/”>Raquel Welch</a>. At her work, Elaine makes a comment about a …
  • Kramer discovers the amazing yet unknown uses of butter, but accidentally fries himself after using it as sunscreen.
  • Kramer sets up a new company - Kramerica Industries, and hires an intern from NYU to help out with the day to day activities of running a fake large company. Jerry thinks his girlfriend's navel is talking to him. George continues to work for Play Now even though his boss is trying to force him out after George lied about being handicapped. Elaine makes wagers with Jerry that she will not continue to see David Puddy.
  • Frank sets up a new business selling computers and hires George and Lloyd Braun (seen in “The Non Fat Yogurt” and “The Gum”) to compete against each other in a sales contest. But Frank's relaxation technique drives everybody completely nuts. Jerry's new girlfriend encourages him to let his emotions out. Kramer takes Frank's screen door and puts it up in his apartment, creating “Anytown, USA”, but the local kids make relaxation difficult. Elaine discovers her “shiksa appeal” and suddenly every Jewish man in New York, including her former boss, is attracted to her.
  • Jerry's parents hire their friend Izzy Mandelbaum to become Jerry's personal trainer while George decides to associate food and television with his love life.
  • Kramer becomes annoyed at all the junk mail he gets, so he decides to stage a crusade against the post office. Jerry runs into “Fragile Frankie”, a former childhood acquaintance, who tries to sell Jerry a huge new van. Frank and Estelle try to find a way to spice up their love life, against George's objections. Meanwhile, Elaine dumps Puddy for a guy who does TV spots for an electronics store called “Nobody Beats The Wiz”.
  • After Kramer rescues the set of the old Merv Griffin show from a dumpster, he sets it up in his apartment where he interviews anyone who happened to drop by. George's new girlfriend gives him a hard time after he strikes a pigeon with his car. When he hits a squirrel she insists that he take it to the vet and then care for it at home. A new guy at the office is driving Elaine crazy. Jerry has a new girlfriend who inherited a fabulous collection of classic toys from her late father. She won't let Jerry touch them - let alone play with them - but he soon finds a way …
  • Elaine borrows Kramer's meat slicer to feed her neighbor's cat while George tries to hide his not-so-great past from his new boss.
  • The infamous “backwards episode”. Elaine decides to spite her old college roommate Sue Ellen Mischkie by taking her, Jerry and George to India to attend Sue Ellen's wedding. Elaine repeatedly reveals secrets about her past when Jerry discovers the combination to Elaine's “vault”. Jerry runs in to an ex-flame - Nina, who is a “great conversationalist”. George wears boots that alter his height to impress Nina and doesn't use the bathroom the entire time they are in India. Meanwhile, Kramer has a nasty encounter with a man named Franklin Delano Romanowski who tells him …
  • George goes out of his way to seek an apology for an insult. Elaine is insulted when a fellow co-worker is scared of her germs, while Puddy admits that he's a fellow germophobe. Jerry dates a nudist and learns the difference between good naked and bad naked. Kramer installs a garbage disposal in his shower.
  • Kramer returns to H&H bagels after a 12 year strike. Elaine gives “demin vest” a fake number on her free sub card. Jerry meets a woman named Gwen who is “two faced”. (She doesn't look good in some light)George creates a fake charity called “the human fund” to give fake Christmas presents at Kruger. He invites Kruger over to celebrate “Festivus” when he can't cash the 20,000 dollar charity check to “the human fund”.
  • Jerry goes to buy a new car from David Puddy, who's been promoted to the sales floor. But after Elaine breaks up with Puddy (again), Jerry is worried that he wont get a good deal on the car. George seeks revenge on a mechanic after he accuses the mechanic of stealing his candy bar. Kramer takes the same car Jerry is looking at out on a long test drive to see how far he can go on free gas without filling up the tank.
  • Jerry, George, Elaine, and Putty get invited to Joe Mayo's party. Elaine throws Putty's fur out the his window. Kramer and Newman put reverse peepholes so they can see if anyone is in their apartment before entering. The super tries to evict Newman but Kramer sticks up for him. Newman begins a secret love affair with the super's wife and Kramer gets worried. Newman finds Putty's fur in a tree and George winds up paying for a massage chair because his back is tweaked from his fat wallet. Jerry carries a purse and wears a fur to fool the super and gets robbed on the …
  • Elaine accidentally steals a “Ziggy” cartoon and sends it to the New Yorker as one of her own. Jerry confides in Kramer that a fellow comedian, Sally Weaver, should quit stand up. Kramer tells her this and she then targets Jerry as the devil in her act. She gains popularity and gets her own cable special. George is dating a woman who looks like Jerry.
  • Kramer buys a strong box because there have been several robberies in the building. He tries to hide the key but Jerry keeps finding it. George is trying to break up with his girlfriend Maura, but can't convince her to leave. Jerry doesn't recognize his new neighbor, Phil, and won't let him in the building. Elaine is dating a poor man who she thinks is a super hero.
  • Kramer learns that he's finally making some royalties from his coffee table book. He decides to retire to Florida and live in the same condo complex as Jerry's parents. Jerry goes to visit his parents in Florida and gives his dad his birthday present - a Wizard portable computer. Morty thinks it only has one primary use - as a tip calculator. Kramer decides to run for the condo board of directors and Morty decides to use Kramer to install a puppet regime and wield power from behind the scenes. Jerry decides that in order for Kramer to win they need to get tip …
  • Jerry is stunned to learn that his new girlfriend has a mysterious “tractor story” that she is not telling him. Kramer and Mickey act out symptoms for medical school students, but Kramer gets repeatedly typecast. George perfects the showmanship art of going out on a high note during meetings at Kruger. Meanwhile, Elaine is stunned to learn that Puddy is religious, and he informs her that she's going to hell.
  • While at Brentano's, George is forced to buy an expensive art book after taking it into the bathroom. George has a hard time getting rid of said book. Jerry catches Uncle Leo shoplifting and has a hard time dealing with the situation. Kramer and Newman set up a rickshaw business using New York's homeless population but the plans quickly backfire. Elaine gets in trouble when she has a drunken make out session at Peterman's Christmas party and Peterman orders the guy to attend rehab.
  • George tries to acquire an old Frogger machine on which he's held the top score since high school.
  • Jerry winds up dating the maid he hired, and she starts to slack off on her duties.
  • Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine get stuck in standstill traffic due to the massive Puerto Rican Day Parade.
  • Just as the four are about to go to the movies, Jerry looks back on the past nine years with the audience.
  • After George and Jerry land a production deal with NBC, the four head out for Paris on NBC's private plane and are waylaid in a small Massachussets town.
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